What a crazy world

While bob continues to tinker around the garden, I'm beginning to leave my pond for longer periods at a time, it's the way we frogs are you know. We may do some fairly odd things at times, but it will never be the equal of what you humans get up to. I've just heard some news concerning the great US leader across the pond. What's more, the news is not good. Croak!!!

Apparently, mister Bush, a human being I have spoken of before, is determined to start throwing his weight around against the Iranians. Now if what Bob told me about this mister Bush is true, I cannot help but wonder why it is that he seems to want to go to war with just about anyone, and everyone. Is this what the American people actually want him to do? Now although I feel that I know a lot more than I once did about you humans, I refuse to believe that this mister Bush is a war monger. Ribbit!!!

I am dreadfully sorry, but I owe you all an almighty apology. Not long ago, I told you that Bob, who loves to study astronomy, had discovered a wayward asteroid, and that it was heading straight for earth and would most likely squash everyone flatter than a bug. I was wrong! Bob was wrong! He had the nerve to admit that what he found was merely the splattered remains of a dead fly that had lodged itself on the front lens of his precious telescope. I should give him a piece of my mind, but it wouldn't do him any good. Ribbit!!!

By the way, I'd like to thank the person who offered to buy my special herbal concoction. Did you want the large, medium or small preparation? It's okay, there's only a few pounds difference between each size, and on top of it all, it's post free. Ribbit!!!

Well, it's a beautiful evening right now, I've decided that I'm going to hop off and enjoy it while it's still here. Take care and don't have nightmares.

Bye for now... Ribbit!!!

Froggy

Science, 1. Commonsense, Out the window

My conversations with Bob are getting more and more wild as the weeks go by. Now... I don't need to be told that there are lots of you knowledgeable, and quite often intelligent too, humans out there. Why is it therefore, that those of you who are among the dim-witted, by far exceed those who are not? I've come to the conclusion that humans simply can't help the way they are. Ribbit!!!

I can imagine by the look that must be on your faces at this moment, you think I've finally cracked. Quite the contrary, in fact. With nothing better to do with my life apart from eating, procreating, breaking wind, and yes, we frogs are prone to releasing the odd amount of noxious gases now and again, my life is mainly centred around the study of you amazing human beings. Ribbit!!!

The greatest revelation, certainly where you lot are concerned, is your rank stupidity! You do some of the most crackpot things at times, it makes the mind boggle. Bob said that you humans are more likely to put your state of health into the hands of a load of shamanistic mumbo-jumbo, that to put your trust in all those scientifically tried and tested drugs, drugs that most likely stand between you and death's door. Did you know that if you cross my little webbed hand with pound notes, kiss me fully on the lips, I'd be able to cure you of just about anything you are likely to be afflicted with? Ribbit!!!

Of course, I would have to rub you all over with my very special herbal concoction first: it's a blend of frogbit, henbane, ragged robin and eyebright all wrapped up in a foxglove. As with all magic potions, it does pong a bit at first, but within a minute or two, your ailments will have disappeared forever and you'll start feeling like a twenty year old again... that is unless you are only twenty? Ribbit!!!

You will discover that those weird people who ply you with their mumbo-jumbo, will suddenly start waving their quartz wands over you, tell you that they have healed your chakras and taken away the evil spirits. They will also have generally lightened your wallets by several hundreds of pounds while they were at it too. Who says that humans aren't a crazy lot? Croak!!! Commonsense, yes it has indeed gone completely out of the window. It's little wonder that your world is slowly falling down around your heads.

Science is a wonderful thing, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Ribbit!!!

One final thing before I go. I told you last week about those humans who are trying to prevent others from building yet another unwanted airport runway. What Bob told me this week, it's that around seven hundred homes are going to be demolished just so you lot can get away to the sun a whole lot quicker. How long before they want to knock your homes down for another useless runway too? If anything, this action alone proves to me that you humans are a truly selfish lot. Croak!!! I mean, why do you need to shove even more planes up in the air, when you humans are supposed to be eliminating these evil CO² emissions? Can you not already see the results of this growing trend in pollution? Aircraft are well suited to spreading their toxic blankets all over this green and pleasant land, but... I expect you are one of those loonies who believe in carbo trading? Take some good honest advice, there is no such damned thing! It's just a very bad excuse made by the worlds heaviest polluters where they try to justify the harm they are continually doing. Croak!!!

I'm trying to think good amphibian thoughts about you lot, but you are constantly taxing my very limited reserves of strength. Bye for now... Ribbit!!!


Froggy

Turning a blind eye

Leaping toads! What have you humans done to the weather this week? Ah, I hear some of you cry, it's nothing to do with us! Let me tell you something. As humans, you really do have a lot to learn, not only about life in general, but your responsibilities towards it too.

Bob tells me that some humans among you are out there protesting about the increase in air passenger traffic, and rightly so. Increased air traffic equals excess pollution. Fact. So, while all of you who choose to ignore this little fact are taking more flights than ever before, although I can't understand just why it's so, you are fast becoming the route cause of the amount of rain that falls these days. If, as I suspect you are, you have a lovely house that's situated on pretty level ground, you cannot then start moaning when your house floods and your belongings are having to be consigned to the local rubbish tip. It's your bloody fault! Croak!!! Were you aware that those of you who keep adding to the concrete parking spaces, are also contributing to these floods? When the ground is prevented from acting as a soak for all this extra rain that falls, it has nowhere else to go except inside your homes. Don't say you haven't been warned! Croak!!!

We frogs know a thing or two about life, far more than you humans it seems. I hear that your post persons are going through a period of strikes, why? Because like everyone else who is on good money, it's never enough is it? The main problem with the way you humans think is as follows: You only ever see what it is you've got. You don't appear to be bothered about others who have less. How damned selfish and inconsiderate can you lot get? Croak!!!

It's one thing where the general public act like morons, which seems to be quite often, but something else altogether when your civil servants behave in this lunatic manner too. Bob, in all his wisdom, has just seen something on his television that defies human sensibility. Your government has a website, amongst many others, which allows anyone to access private and confidential information that could be, and probably is for all I know, used to create new fraudulent IDs for those bent upon ruining thousands of lives. This website, http://www.landregistry.gov.uk/, makes available private addresses, their owners names, mortgage payments, signatures and goodness knows how much more besides, and all for the princely sum of three of your pounds. Now, I don't know about you lot, but here is a wonderful source for creating new IDs, courtesy of your kindly civil servants, and a veritable means to running up huge debts to the tune of thousands, possibly in your name. And somehow, your caring gov doesn't think that the crooks will take advantage of this and use this service. What kind of fruitcake thinks like this? Are they mad? Can these people be trusted by you all? Talk about turning a blind eye... Croak!!!

My goodness, and some people think that a talking frog is crazy. Well, not from where I'm sitting.

I thought that you may like to see some of my progeny this week. It's not a very good picture, but then Bob's getting a bit shakey with his camera. Pity really, if only he'd let me take a few. He says that I'd most likely drop his camera in the pond, he's probably right. ;) Ribbit!!!



That's about it for this week, stay bright, and please stay safe...

Froggy

Fraught with danger

This week I have to rely on something that Bob has experienced, since I wasn't aware that anything had happened at all. Although I watch over my progeny by standing guard beside the garden pond, I don't always notice when things happen during the hours of darkness. I make no apologies about my general behaviour, because after all I am a frog. Apparently, it was while it was raining last night, not a lot, but enough to make everything wet. From a frog's point of view, these wet conditions, when added to the hours of darkness, become the ideal time for young frogs to go out in search of a place of their own. No! no! I did not kick them out of their home, honest, it's just something that we amphibians do naturally when we change from tadpoles into frogs, and that's to go in search of new territory. Ribbit!!!

It was while Bob was putting out his wheely-bin last night, he almost ran over some of my progeny. Aaarrg!! The mere thought of such a thing fair turns my stomach over. Croak!!! It's why my young go out under the cover of darkness, they run, or hop, as the case maybe, for safety in other parts of the great beyond. Now, even though Bob's garden is big, well it's huge to small creatures like us, the number of frogs I help bring into this world is just too much even for Bob's modest green patch. As I was saying, the darkness also means that those tatty furballs often miss those trying to get away. Now that can't possibly be so bad can it? Ribbit!!!

The only point in me telling you all about this, it's because Bob knows that he would feel terribly bad inside, especially if, well... if he should accidentally flatten one of my young with his bin. Oooh, I'm feeling just a little bit queazy. Croak!!!

I'm going to talk about something else to take my mind off such upsetting thoughts. Have you lot seen that Asteroid I told you about last time? I'm only reminding you about it because I don't want any of you getting hit unexpectedly, then blaming me for not saying anything, okay? Ribbit!!!

Oh yes, Bob said that he's taken another photograph of me while I wasn't looking. Who is he kidding? Anyway, I've put it here with my message this week. Enjoy...





All of the sunshine we've been having lately, it's bringing lots more flowers into bloom. Unfortunately, and according to Bob, you humans are having to suffer another bout of foot and mouth. Now, I'm not wholly sure what this is, but it doesn't sound comfortable, that's for sure. I hope that it doesn't prevent you all from going into the countryside, cos it would be such a loss in view of the lovely weather we're all experiencing lately. Ribbit!!!

Sadly, that's all I can offer you this week, but stay bright, stay safe...

Froggy

Warning! Warning!...

With the beginning of a period of fine sunny weather, I would normally talk to you, my human friends, about how wonderful the garden is looking, or how that something exciting has happened during the past week. I don't know what to say, but bob has told me that something truly bad is going to happen, and quite soon, so I don't feel that I can talk about the garden. Croak!!!

Now, as a humble frog, there's very little I know, or frankly care about, when it concerns things outside my sphere of influence. Anything that is earthbound and governed by the laws of physics, comes within this domain, which is why I care so much about you humans. Of course, I realize that in you lot being human, you do get up to some pretty stupid things at times, but I usually put this down to the fact that you're still learning about what goes on around you and where you live. Ribbit!!

None of this is to say that we, the lower form of creatures on this planet, don't make mistakes, or aren't prepared to learn from them. However, in the time I've spent conversing with you, I have to admit that we do seem to be a whole lot smarter than you are. Ribbit!!!

Where was I? Ah yes, I argued with Bob for several days over something he had discovered recently, last weekend as a matter of fact. He told me to tell, or rather warn you about his discovery. I told him that you lot weren't ready to accept such a discovery, and that it was simply because you weren't rational enough to accept your fate. Bob reckons that as adults, you will act responsibly and not go and do something stupid. I explained that it wasn't the way I see everything concerning humans. Ribbit!!!

Well, I've had several of your days to think the matter through, and regardless of how I look at it, I still think that I'm right. Bob says that if I don't tell you about his discovery, he said that he'd evict me from his pond... Croak!!! That fairly brought a lump into my throat. To cut to the chase, I was shocked more by Bob's threat than anything else.

I'm sure that he doesn't really mean to do it, but what can a little frog like me do against a huge human being like him? Nothing, that's what. Okay, okay. Leaping toads, I'll tell them, only don't say that I didn't warn you. Croak!!!

On the night of the 28th, Bob was watching the skies through his super duper got bells and whistles on it, telescope. Apparently, he's very keen on astronomy. Personally, I like to keep my froggy form firmly on the ground, or in the pond as the case may be. Anyway, he says, and I've no idea what he's talking about, so I bank on you lot knowing something about those starry things way up there, that close to the stars known as Canis Major, sounds like one of those doggy things to me, sorry! He can't take a joke these days. Anyway, he, Bob, has discovered a tiny object he calls an asteroid. In fact, it's not really tiny, it just looks that way from here on Earth, actually it's several kilometres across, now that sounds monstrous to me. Are you still with me? You are, good! Bob says that it's being pulled towards Earth's orbit by Jupiter. He also said that there's a likely chance of it colliding with Earth in about fifteen days time. Now, I don't know about you lot, but this doesn't sound like a very nice thing that's going to happen. But hey, what do I know about these sorts of things, I'm just a frog. Ribbit!!!

Well, although I told you last time that a certain alien chicken was coming over to share afternoon tea with me and a few friends, she didn't arrive. I guess that perhaps she's also heard about this asteroid and wants to get well away from here. I can't say that I blame her, I'd go too if I could. So I'll say goodbye for now. So stay safe and mind how you go.

A few flowers in Bob's garden, while it's still there...

Until next time, if there is one...

Froggy