Garden Wonders

Following a long spell of quite dry weather, the rains finally came and the garden has taken on a much fresher, brighter visage with a variety of flowers coming into bloom everywhere. As a frog, and in between watching over my progeny that are beginning to learn all about their new world in the pond, I have been enjoying what the spring weather has given birth to around the garden.

The Bumble and Honey Bees are busily flitting between the masses of tiny pink blooms on the Flowering Currant (Ribes). They also gather their pollen from what remains of the Goat Willow (Salix) blossoms, and the delightful Lesser Celandine (Ranunculus ficaria) that carpets one small corner of my home. The bright blue flowers of the Forget-Me-Not (Myosotis) lighten those horribly dark corners under the shrubbery, while the golden flowers of the Forsythia (F x Intermedia) are like a beacon to a variety of small insects. (Juicy titbits to someone like me!) Ribbit!!! Then similarly, there is the Kerria (K Japonica), another golden lantern which brightens up even the darkest of garden spaces.

Bob, who you all know quite well by now, has been adding a few flowers of his own. If anything can be trusted to put on a good display almost all year round, it's the Viola family. I find their amazing variety of colours to be quite striking, added to the fact that they seem to live forever. (Which is a lot more than I can say about the human species!) Croak!!! The Violas are an excellent place to hunt around for big fat juicy slugs. They think they can hide away from me under the dense carpet of leaves, but I've got news for them little blighters, it doesn't work! I've also seen a few scattered Speedwell (Veronica) here and there too, though their flowers are incredibly tiny when compared to most of the flowers I've spoken about so far. The pinkish white flowers of the winter flowering Viburnum (V x Bodnantense) are still very attractive, or at least that's what Bob says, and who am I to argue with him?

Boring Facts of the week: Do you want to know something that I find of interest? No! Well I'm going to tell you anyway, so there... One flower that often invokes a gardeners rage more than it should, is the bright golden Dandelion. I know what you're thinking, the Frog has gone off his rocker! Listen up and let me impart some interesting facts about the common Dandelion (Taraxacum officinale). Did you know that although this family very nearly all look the same, (bit like you humans, and there are billions of you!) there are approximately 229 microssp of Dandelion in this fair land.

Another fascinating fact is that there are many different scents given off by Dandelion flower heads. Some, and I can let you know from personal experience, smell very strongly of honey, yes, honey! Some have what you humans would call, a fragrant floral smell, which I might add at this point, is quite unlike the smell of a wet furball. Ugh! Croak!!! Yes, some actually smell as bad as a wet cat, but I won't go into this... There again, some have absolutely no scent at all, which is another thing that you may find strange, but it's true.. Honest, Frog's honour! Dib! Dib!

A few other flowering plants in the garden include: The Heathers (Calluna vulgaris and Erica x Darleyensis) are putting in a good display with their mix of white and pink blooms. Then there is Broom, one of the pale yellow flowered (Cytisus family) is just now just coming into flower on its arching branches.

As a frog, one tends to view everything from a different perspective, very low down, to those of you who don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Anyway, I'm at a level where one can enjoy gardens to their fullest, and I truly do I can assure you. Well, that's about it for this time around. I wanted to get through this blog without resorting to political issues. Let's face it, I don't think that you need me go harping on about it every week, despite that it seems to get you lot worked up into a frenzy! Ribbit!!!

Well, I've got to go now. Stay happy and I'll see you all again real soon. Ribbit!!!

Froggy

Evolution

Humans and animals share this wonderful land that you lot call Earth. It took many billions of years for the present day landscapes to take shape and form, giving us the world as we all see and enjoy today. Alas, for all of its beauty, it took but five minutes for you humans to f*** it all up!!! Croak!!!

I know I'm just a lowly frog, a creature with very little power other than one that gives me the will to live, however, you humans are really something else altogether. I just cannot see what your excuse is? Over the past few months, yours truly, Froggy, has given you the insight into life as you should all be living it. I've pointed out your mistakes. I continually show you where you are going wrong. I've tried to explain to you how you can better yourselves. I've even explained how its better to think of others, and not so much of yourselves. But what do you go and do? You throw it all back into my face!!! Croak!!! Is that a way to treat a friend?

Respect!! That's a word that appears to have very little meaning to humans. If you are not going round robbing and cheating on each other, it seems that some of you are now ready to kill each other too. Are you stark raving MAD?!!! What happened to love thy neighbour? And I don't mean that you should enjoy a spot of carnal knowledge with them!! Haven't you ever done something good for someone without thinking about what it'll cost you? No! Then you truly haven't lived my friends.

Bob told me that it's time that humans behaved respectfully towards each other, instead of copying the childish antics of those who run your government. Bob explained that the government is regretting what it did about your pensions when it came into power. Too bloody late now! Anyway, they are too busy taking your money to prop up their own magnificent pensions to bother anything about yours. Your nice mister Blair has given himself a nice fat 3.4 million pound pension... What do you think you'll get when you retire? Naff all, that's what. I can see from the look on your face that you don't believe me. How sad!!!

As a frog, I find it extremely odd how you humans will willingly give MPs all the power they can muster, just so that they can take care of themselves, cheat you lot, and then turn around and say to you: there's no money left to give you what you elected us for, hospitals, the NHS, transport, fair taxation and all the rest. Well, the first of this year's voting sessions is almost upon you, and while you're all wondering who you should vote for, those candidates are rubbing their hands in anticipation of the sudden wealth that is surely going to come their way, once you've been stupid enough to vote for them, that is. Croak!!! Why don't you all do yourselves a favour for a change. Stay away from those polling stations just for once, and see what happens. It should be worth a laugh.

Did you know: you ordinary humans have such incredible power at your finger tips. It's there for you to control and use how you see fit. But no! That's not what will happen, you'll just go on doing the same old thing day in and day out, then later on, you'll all start moaning like hell as usual. Look, I'm aware that some of you are more well off than the rest, but in the long run, humans are all the same where nobody is really any better than the other.

I'll give you an example shown to me by Bob. News shows that your Labour gov is thinking about offering the job of PM to my old friend David Milliband, right? Well, if any of you have ever taken the trouble to read his Blog, you will have noticed that he hasn't the foggiest idea as to what the hell he's doing. When confronted with an issue about climate change, he turned to his readers and asked them if anyone had any ideas on how they could help him to solve this rather sticky problem. Well, I don't know about you, but anyone who is paid as much as he is to run a gov department, should damned well be able to come up with some ideas of his own, instead of asking around. It's a bit like a team working in a hospital operating theatre, then right as they are about to drill a big hole into someone's head, the surgeon asks: Saw or drill? I've never done this before, anyone got any bright ideas?

Yes, MPs and government officials are paid incredible amounts of money, a lot lot more than any of you will ever make anyway, and this is to make and take decisions that will effect every single one of you... but haven't you realized it yet, most of them haven't the foggiest idea as to what the hell they're doing. I mean, look at the fiasco about those humans who were taken prisoner in Iran. Need I say more? However, they are pretty sure that you'll think that they can be trusted. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! ho! Ribbit!!! Goodness, my sides are aching like mad.

Well, I've got to go now. See you again soon. Ribbit!!!

Froggy

Poxy adverts: Who Needs Them?

With such lovely weather of late, it's going to be difficult for me to speak of anything else, but as usual, Bob has given me yet another subject that requires the benefit of my frank judgement. So, I'm going to give you my best... Ribbit!!!

Bob says that he recalls a time when all you humans used to complain like demented toads, and what about I hear you ask? The cost of watching television, of course!! Yes, you lot seem to know a thing or two about moaning, especially where the TV licence is concerned. Now, if I'm a reasonable judge of human behaviour, I reckon that this subject has captured your attention! Croak!!!

Bob says that humans have been complaining about the price of a licence ever since it cost about something like ten pounds for colour, (what sort of colour is a colour licence?) anyhow, Bob has said that although it has steadily increased in price, at least it comes completely free of advertising, at least considering it's for the jolly old Beeb. Ah! I hear you all cry. It's still too much! Well, I've been doing some thinking about this just lately, and knock me down with a big stick, if it doesn't seem that you are all moaning about the wrong thing. Oh, yes you do!

From what I understand, television comprises of two main elements, although there are actually three, terrestrial, satellite and cable. Okay so far? Right then, For a little more than one hundred and fifty pounds a year, the Beeb provides approximately 336 hours of viewing per week without those terrible adverts to ruin your entertainment. Being a frog, this sounds pretty good, although you won't catch me glued to a TV for that many hours on end! Croak!!! On the other hand, those of you who are hypnotised by the great satellite in the sky, where you can watch it for more hours than the clock provides, you pay anything from two hundred and fifty-two pounds extra a year to get your enjoyment. Of course, if you are a sports addict and adore those movie channels too, then the cost literally skyrockets and becomes more like a mortgage payment!

Now, I have a teensy question for you lot. How come you all moan like toads about paying for a simple licence, which provides you with all that lovely advert free television, and yet you don't think twice about paying a darn sight more than this, just to have Sky pump its mind-bending crappy adverts into your brains around the clock, and for hours on end??? For the amount of money you humans pay for your satellite viewing, Sky should damned well be advert free too! Don't you think that this is how it should be?

Bob reckons that you can't really enjoy anything on Sky, since for every ten minutes of entertainment, you have to put up with six minutes of absolute mind numbing adverts, especially during series like : Lost. 24. Bones. Cold Case. Heroes. Battlestar Galactica. etc.. Yes I know, Bob has told me that you can always record these programmes and fast forward the ads, but this isn't what you're paying these high prices for, is it? No it isn't! Not only that, but Bob says that there are only so many times when you feel like getting up to make tea/coffee or go to the little room, unless it's to get rid of all that tea and coffee you've just drunk, of course! Ribbit!!!

I know what I think gives better value for the money it asks: the BBC! No, Bob doesn't work for the Beeb. In fact, he's retired and has never worked for television in his life. It just makes sense, that's all.

It's so lovely in the garden this evening, I think I'm going to have a little wander around, just to see what there is to eat. I'm feeling a bit peckish right now. As far as I can see, there are none of those furballs prowling around right now, so things look decidedly peaceful to me. There are lots of beautiful flowers showing themselves all over the place, and Bob told me that he's been potting up some seeds earlier. Ah yes, I'm still busy watching over my young in the pond. Once they have grown into tiny frogs, they'll be able to enjoy this lovely garden along with me... Ribbit!!!

Well, I'm off now. See you again soon. Ribbit!!!

Froggy

Saving the planet

For just a single moment, I acquired a rather misleading, yet curious thought, that I was somehow going to be able to get through my blog offering, without looking like I was forever finding something to moan about. I was so terribly wrong!! Croak!!!

In spite of whatever you think of me, your overly friendly and highly informative frog, or Bob, the man who looks after this garden, I have come to the agonizing conclusion that humans are indeed a stupid lot. I'm sorry, but it's indelibly true! It appears that no matter how much I let you know about the harsh reality of global warming, and of course, climate change, you all respond to this information like you were going on some fantastic holiday somewhere. Do none of you humans believe in telling your MPs that they are wrong? Don't you care that your world is heading for a whacking great cataclysmic end, one where you humans are to blame?

Bob, he's over there planting some flowers, isn't he nice? Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, Bob insists that humans in general, and I think that he means most of you, simply do not believe what the scientists are telling you. He suggested that because you cannot see the real physical changes that this planet is undergoing, you all think that nothing is actually happening. Me? I think that he's right! Croak!!!

Bob said recently, when your nice mister Blair, (his words, not mine), announced that there will be an increase in air traffic of fifty percent over Britain, by the year 2050, none of you so much as questioned the sense in this! Is this the face of someone who gives a damn about global warming? Of course not! One minute he's telling you that air traffic must be cut, and the next he's supporting a massive increase. Obviously, your mister Blair is much like that other two-faced Bush from across the big pond. The only difference here, and you may recall that I did tell you about it a while back(?), bush doesn't think that global warming exists either. But then, what can you believe when confronted by a man who worships Oil, even if it doesn't belong to him?

Okay! Okay! I understand that some of you remain sceptical about climate change and all that goes with it, but can you really afford to be taken in by these people, when the future could end up with the extinction of the human race? Alright! Come on, which one of you shouted poppycock? Hey! If you want to nurse that selfish attitude of yours, that's entirely up to you, but remember one thing... When you humans have long disappeared from the face of the land, us frogs will live on forever. We're born survivors. Ribbit!!!

For the believers among you, don't you think that the best way to tackle climate change and global warming, it's to vote for those who know what taking care of this planet is all about? Yes, Bob says that the Green Party are in a much better position to know what to do about saving this planet. Their interests are for the benefit of humankind, not one that is wholly greedy and selfish. The rest are only interested in what they can get out of you lot for themselves.

Tell me this... When was the last time that any government in power did anything for your benefit? That's right! Bloody never! Croak!!!

Do you know what? I bet you all think that I'm a crackpot! Perhaps you're right, but there again, when was the last time you took a hard look at what's happening in life around you? Can you honestly say, with your hand over your heart, that everything is hunky-dory? Then again, perhaps you're one of those who prefers to ignore the harsh darker side of reality? Well, it won't go away you know.
This is your life, your future. Don't throw it away because you are not sure whether you believe in climate change and global warming, or not. Remember, once these changes are forced upon you, there is no turning back. You'll be left, for a while, with just a mountain of regrets.

Well, I'm off to go see what's happening around the garden. See you again soon. Ribbit!!!

Froggy