Froggy History

What a beautiful day it is today. The sun is bright and the flowers are positively glowing, so much so, it makes me feel good to be alive. As a frog I am filled with great joy, since I have some good news to tell you all: the first of my progeny have finally made the amazing transition from being tiny tadpoles, turning into miniature, but fine specimens of frog kind, just like me. Ribbit!!!

So, here I am with another of my family lineage. You know, we frogs go back for zillions of years and have almost as colourful a history as you humans. I've only just realized, but I can't recall ever telling you about the more famous frogs in our history. Well, it's time that I changed this. Ribbit!!!

Even within my own lifetime, I had an encounter with one Billious Frogg, a rather eccentric character who filled his life with what we all saw as, those daring deeds of his. He once took me up in a hot air balloon, the air being provided by Billious from what I remember. Anyway, he told me that he wanted to cross one of the largest ponds I've ever seen, making use of the balloon that is. There we were, surrounded by a mass of croaking bystanders, all hopping around excitedly, each trying to find the best spot to view what they thought would be a magnificent spectacle. There wasn't a lot of wind about that day, but what there was blowing in the right direction, away from us and across the great pond. We began to release the ropes that held us down, I felt a lump inside my throat and soon we quickly ascended into the bright blue yonder. I'd never been up in a balloon before, but I can tell you that it was an extremely thrilling moment for me. We sailed upward and then moved horizontally over the water. It was such a wonderful experience, I don't think I could ever forget those eighty minutes it took us to reach the other shore. Ribbit!!!

Ah!! I mustn't forget to tell you about Benjamin Frogg, for he was the one who inadvertently discovered the properties of electricity. To be honest, it all happened because of an accident really, you see, old Benjamin was a rather constant and inveterate bragger. In froggy parlance, he had one of the longest tongues you ever did see in your life, in fact, I could say that he was exceedingly proud of it. Anyway, one year when he was taking part in the annual fly catching extravaganza, the weather, which for the most part had been perfect for flies, suddenly changed. The sky turned menacingly black, and then the rain began to fall, not a lot, but enough to dampen things a little. Well, the time finally came for Benji's turn. He proudly hopped up to the line and prepared himself for his superb talent at fly catching. Of course, I needn't tell you that he always won this event in previous years, but this time, everything was not quite how he had planned it to be. He lined his eyes up to catch the biggest bluebottle anyone present had ever seen before now. There was a big sigh, out shoots his tongue... But, unfortunately, seconds later this whacking great bolt of lightning struck this bluebottle at exactly the same moment old Benji's tongue connected with the fly. Well, talk about firework display, old Benji lit up in a rainbow of colours with sparks zipping up and down his tongue like a dog chasing a furball. Poor old Benji never felt quite the same after that incident. Now, he's extremely wary of trying to catch flies... Ribbit!!!

There are so many famous frogs in our history, for instance: there's the Dwight Froggy brothers. They were the very first frogs to fly by means of an instrument they had built called a frogoplane. Of course, they did it before they realised that in some parts of the world, there are frogs who can fly without any aids. Sadly, no one had had the heart to tell them about it. Ribbit!!!

Just in case you haven't heard of any of these famous froggy characters from our history, I must tell you about Hannibal Frogg. In order to protect the village where he lived from being attacked by the 'orrible great salamander tribe, he led his people across the Alps (well actually, I think he was somewhere east of the M1, but don't tell anyone that I told you so.) sitting astride an old giant bullfrog. Needless to say, he saved their lives and his deed joined others in our Froggy history books. Ribbit!!!

There's a certain alien chicken coming to share afternoon tea with me and a few friends tomorrow, so I say goodbye for now. So stay safe and mind how you go.

Until next time,

Froggy

A Cold Reminder

While I sat beside the pond earlier today, Bob was quietly explaining about the way that humans behave towards each other. He told me that although some among you do good things, mainly to help those of you who are less fortunate than the rest, which has to be good, they seldom appear to be able to do it without shouting out aloud about it to the media. It's as if that by letting you all know what they've done, it makes it seem as though the rich and wealthy care. I think that it's just done to eliminate any feelings of guilt they may have harboured before doing their deed.

Bob says, just because a person has squiillions of pounds in the bank, and that they suddenly decide to give some of it to those less fortunate, doesn't mean that they did it because they thought they were doing a charitable act. On the contrary, the person who truly gives from the heart, doesn't need to go out and seek some kind of recognition from the media. You know, when someone announces that they gave a zillion to charity, it was most likely money that they got tax relief on anyway. It probably wasn't done from a desire to give, but rather out of necessity. Croak!!!

Remember, I once told you that Bob thinks it's far more rewarding, if a person just gives anonymously, and does so without bragging about it. Let's look at it another way, if a person who has squillions gives away a zillion, it's actually no more than someone who has very little, and yet that person gives a few pounds more than they can truly afford. He also said, when you die, you can't take it with you. So it seems that it's better to do some good while you're able to, but don't damned well shout about it to the world, because no one gives a rat's arse one way or another. Anyway, just because you choose to give to some recognized charity, think of all the others who do not benefit from your generosity, and will lose out because they don't belong to a charity. Is this fair? Society's poor or disadvantaged are not conveniently labelled, nor tucked away neatly into little pigeon holes, so they can be instantly recognized. Don't forget, you humans live in an enormously greedy society of your own doing, one where money not only defines the level of your class, but also whether you are seen to be poor or not. Croak!!!

Something else that Bob told me about, it's that the gap between the rich and the poor among the people of this country is slowly, but surely widening. What I fail to understand, in being a frog, it's that everyone below a certain age, appears to dislike all senior citizens with a vengeance. Bob told me that when someone suggested that your government increases the pension rate, the reply was that these people cannot have more than the pittance they already receive, simply because they are not tax payers. Horse shite!!! There is not a single pensioner in this country that doesn't still pay taxes in one form or another. Try telling all those who pay council tax, that they don't, or that it's just a figment of their pathetic imaginations. And what about all that VAT they pay? Don't tell me that just because they draw a pension, they don't suddenly have to pay VAT either! What's more, every single pensioner was once an income tax payer too, just like the rest of you. Don't you damned well forget this: todays income tax payer, is tomorrows pensioner. These people cannot all be like Mister Blair and help themselves to a squillion pounds pension for doing bugger all. Croak!!!

Oh, and while I'm at it, don't you greedy load of toads forget this, while you are out there spending your hundreds and thousands on whatever makes your way of life tick, pensioners are doing the very same, only they have to make do with peanuts as their spending power, and yet, everything they buy costs just them the same as it costs you lot. It's little wonder that British society is crumbling. Further, while a lot of you have money thrown at you for whatever it is you do for a living, people like Bob had to do a proper day’s work, but they did it for far less than you get. They couldn't afford to save for a decent pension, simply because they were not as fortunate as today’s idle rich. Croak!!! I know! I know! I've told you lot all this before, but since Bob reckons that you take no notice of what is going on around you, I felt that a little reminder couldn't do any harm. Ribbit!!!

All is lovely in the garden despite the rain. We frogs learn to live with whatever comes our way. Well, it's time for me to go now, so stay safe and mind how you go.

Bye for now,

Froggy

All for free

Welcome to the garden. You know, it's only been about a week, but I've missed you all. Standing around with my head poking up out of the pond water, I'm able to observe life all around me. There has even been a spot of sunshine lately, which is something I feel sure that you lot will have enjoyed. After all, it can't rain forever, or can it? Oh, I don't know though, I recall that somewhere long, long ago, it did rain a terrible lot, cats and dogs some would say, but somehow, I just can't visualise animals falling out of the sky. Ribbit!!!

Bob's been a teeny bit gloomy lately, yes it's true. All the wind and rain that we've been experiencing recently has played merry hell with his flowering plants. It's odd really, because from the position I look at everything, those flowers look absolutely fine to me. Still, what do I know about flowers? They aren't even any good to eat. Bob tried to explain what he sees in them, but my world is far removed from his, and so we don't view things the same way. Of course, I do understand that with the flowers, a whole lot of insects is attracted into the garden. This is food on the wing, and I know that I shouldn't look down my nose at such things. Ribbit!!!

Bob says that your mister Blair has gone, but in his place there is mister Brown. What a funny name! I thought that this was a colour? There's plenty that's brown once those furballs have been in the garden. Croak!!! There should be a law against such filthy habits. Anyway, I'm pleased to be able to tell you, those furballs are rarely seen nowadays, but this doesn't mean that I shouldn't watch out for them, oh no! Turn your back for just a second or two, and you'll have several kilos of spitting scratching fur all over you. It ain't pleasant I can assure you. A frog like me could lose an eye for just thinking about such things. Croak!!!

Well, now that you humans have got yourselves a new PM, has anything changed for the good? No! I didn't think so. When will you lot learn that politics is all about feathering ones own nest. Oh, yes it is!.. Politics certainly isn't about helping joe public, otherwise, you would be seeing and reaping the benefits, and from what Bob says, you never see, nor enjoy anything of the kind. Croak!!!

My word, but doesn't time fly? At this rate, it'll soon be autumn again. I know, I know, you lot haven't had your summer yet. But this is it, climate change is making summers a little wetter, so get used to it. If you lot don't mend your ways and stop thinking solely about me, me, me all the time, things are going to get far worse. I know that Bob is concerned about food production. He says that wetter weather will prevent many of your commonplace crops from growing. Most of you take food for granted, but if the farmers can't grow it, then you can't have it, so there. Croak!!!

Of course, you lot could always turn to eating slugs and worms for a change? They are quite delicious, you know. All that protein and it's all for free too. Ribbit!!!

Time for me to go now, so stay safe and mind how you go.


Bye for now,

Froggy

How many times must you be told?

Believe it or not, a frog's life is often fraught with danger, which is why I have to constantly watch out for myself. As most of you humans are aware by now, it's those pesky furballs that pose the greatest threat to me. Unfortunately, unlike you humans, there is no means at hand to provide me with any kind of protection, none, other than the mere act of self preservation by being very, very careful. Ribbit!!!

Humans, on the other hand, are more than capable of taking care of themselves, and of course this is usually regardless of the dangers you lot have to face. Humans, I am told, are a resourceful lot. Bob tells me that I must remember that many humans appear to be hell bent on killing each other, but just yet, I'm unable to figure out just why this should be the case? So, perhaps it's that you humans aren't so different from me after all? Ribbit!!!

Here, I should mention that there is one hell of a difference between frogs and humans, apart from the fact that none of you are as handsome as me, and this is the fact that you never seem to learn from your mistakes. I suppose that in order to recognize them, you must at first acknowledge that you actually make mistakes in the first place. Somehow, I don't think that you do... Croak!!!

Bob says that, while those who have suffered at the wrath of this spate of flooding should look to getting help of some kind, I'd say: don't hold your breath! Apparently, when this question of help was brought up in parliament today, your new PM stated that the government was going to spend an extra two-hundred zillion quid on sea defences. You know what? This is all very well if you live beside the sea, but somehow, I doubt that this will help people who live in Doncaster, or any of the other places gripped by the current spate of flooding.... unless of course, the sea is now lapping at their doors? If it is, then you're truly all up the proverbial creek without a paddle. Croak!!!

Returning to your obsession with buying property in the hope that it'll be worth zillions in a few years, open your eyes and unblock your ears. It ain't going to happen. Bob explained to me about a lady, one who bought a nice little flat in Surrey, or some such desirable location, a while ago, but she now wants to sell it... but she can't. Apparently, no one wants to pay as much as she bought it for originally. She shouldn't be surprised at this, because this is what happens when common sense goes out of the window. Let me tell this lady something that she, and the rest of you should know. It's just a pile of bricks and mortar and, regardless of what anyone thinks, be told, it's only worth what someone is prepared to pay for it. I've already told you humans once, prices go up, but they also go down. Paying silly high prices, and for something that simply isn't worth it reminds me of a human story: The Kings new clothes. You probably know of it. If someone tries to convince you of something for long enough, in the end you'll wind up believing it. Remember, it's only estate agents and property developers who make money out of these over inflated prices, it's never you! So, don't be so damned greedy and learn before you make a stupid mistake. Croak!!!

I truly wish that you'd take notice of all the things I tell you about, but what the hell, who wants to listen to the ramblings of a garden frog eh?

I'm going to take a hop around the garden now, which incidentally is looking really nice at the moment. The flowering plants are enjoying the rain, and to be honest, so am I. This rain brings out all those deliciously fat and juicy slugs, cripes! there's so many of them that I've gone and put on some weight, naughty old me. Ribbit!!!

Bye for now,


Froggy